Randomest Fanfic Ever
by brunetterebel010
Summary: This fanfic is the Twilght character meets fan submitted character. It is just for fun. Random hilarity and humor. Enjoy.
1. Ch1 First Impressions

Author's NOTE!!I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. Those are property of Stephenie Meyer.

The Extra character in this chapter Raine Manchester was submitted to me by Evey on the Twilgiht Lexicon

The Twilight Lexicon does not belong to me. I guess it belongs to Alphie and/or Pel ? IDK but I don't own it!

Chapter 1- First Impressions

As the bell rang I gathered my things and walked to the cafeteria. I walked as quickly as I could without standing out. It would be strange for me to be in a hurry to get to the cafeteria like I was fighting for a spot in front of the lunch line since I had no intention of eating. But these humans didn't know that yet. They didn't know anything about us, they didn't know we didn't eat, didn't socialize and barely ever spoke except amongst ourselves. I was in a hurry. I was just as relieved to be out of the small classroom as the humans, but for a different reason. I knew that in the crowded cafeteria at a table in an out of the way corner Alice would be waiting. The stress of a new school and the curiosity of the other students was wearing on my nerves, she would help me keep from losing my mind. Also though, I was curious. In my last two classes there had been a quiet girl who had spent almost the entire time staring at me, what was strange about her was not that she was staring but that she was not completely in awe as most of her classmates were when they saw us, she was a bit...unsettled. When I got to the lunchroom I found my family, but only after I was seated next to Alice, across from Bella, did I realize I was situated so that the strange girl could see me clearly. She continued to stare.

"Hey, Edward?" I said, taking my brother's attention from the dark haired beauty at his side. "What is it?" He asked, concern coloring his voice. "No, I'm okay" I said reading his worry. "It's just...who is that girl over there, and why is she staring at me likle that ?" "What girl?" "That one" I said, inclining my head subtly in her direction. "she's really pale and has dark brown hair and dark eyes..."

"Oh, that one...I hear her now" He listened thoughtfully for a moment and then smirked. "What is it?" I demanded, worried about he amusement.. "Well" He replied "Her name is Raine, but I really don't know why she keeps staring like that"

"Liar" I hissed. He simply smiled and turned back to Bella.

I sighed when, after lunch, I walked into my next class and saw the girl, Raine, I reminded myself, sitting toward the back of the class. ]_Might as well figure this out_. I thought to myself. I took a seat next to her. She shifted uncomfortably beside me. She was nervous, uncomfortable, but she still had trouble averting her eyes from my face. Humans, petty even when faced with danger. "Can I help you?" I demanded, rather irritably. I could easily have calmed her, but I wasn't really in the mood. However, I decided it was rude to scare her. Sometimes being a Southern gentleman is rather tedious. "I'm sorry" I said quietly. "I shouldn't have snapped at you, it's just, you've been giving me strange looks all day. I was wondering if I had done something to offend you." It took all my restraint to stay where I was now that was actually attentive to her as the blush crawled up her cheeks. I could hear her pulse racing, feel her fear, all very bad things for a predator to know about his prey. "I'm sorry" I said again, turning back to the front of the room, returning to my usual, antisocial self. A full two minutes passed before she spoke.

"Listen" she began timidly, "It's not that I have any personal issues with you or anything.."

"But...?" I asked expectantly.

"But..." she hesitated. "Nothing, it's nothing"

"Listen" I said, irritated again. "It's not that I"m frustrated with you or anything ..."

"But...?" She inquired.

"But I am. Just tell me."

"You have an abnormally large nose. There. I said it." She said quickly turning back to face the teacher as she turned cherry red.

_Everything's bigger in Texas[/i] I thought sarcastically_. "Does my having a big nose bother you?"

"Well... I'm scared of people with big noses"

I couldn't help it, I laughed. For all the reasons she could be afraid of me she chose one I would never have considered.

Now she was embarrassed, and bushing again. She was as bad as Bella had been.

"I'm sorry" I said, containing myself. "I've never heard of anyone being afraid of a nose before"

"I'm not afraid of noses, I'm afraid of the people who have big noses" she mumbled.

"Hmm... smart girl" I mused quietly. Feeling her curiosity I quickly faced the front.

Now I understood why Edward thought it was funny. I bet he and Emmett were cracking up right now.

If you enjoyed it leave me a review and submit a character. I will write a chapter featuring your submission'!

To Submit a character give me:

Name:

Age:

Short Description:(short as in like five personailty adjectives, and hair/eye color, heigh, and weight. I need some creative license)

Which Twilght charachter does your character have a scene with:

Short scene description or a few lines of dialouge to help me out...

Thanks

~Elizabeth~


	2. Party Time!

Author's note: I don't own Twilight, or any of it's characters.

However, in this chapter Elaine Green is the property of me, courtesy of Gimli732

Read and enjoy…

Chapter Two: Witches, Shopping, and talking Jazz out of the closet.

_Humans are so dull. _I thought to myself, as I glanced around the room, looking for anything to hold my interest. That's hard to find after a thousand years. When you were a witch, living through the Salem witch hunts, biology was relatively tame. Scratch the relatively, biology was boring. But today something was different, a shockingly beautiful boy was staring at me from across the room. _How bizarre. _ He wasn't human. I don't know what he was, but he wasn't human. No pulse, no heat radiating from his skin. _What are you? _ I thought, curious. The expression on his face startled me, "What are YOU?"

Excuse me, did he just answer my thought? Oh, no girl. I know he was not reading my mind! I don't care what he is, he is goin' down!

"I wouldn't try that" He whispered, smiling.

"'Scuse me, I would try mindin my own dang business."

"Sorry, can't help it. I am curious though, you seem to share my thoughts on humans, so what are you, you do appear rather human."

"Well what are you?"

"We can't talk about that here."

Well, maybe it didn't occur to him we can't talk about me either. Duh.

"At lunch then?" He made it a question.

"At lunch." I agreed.

At lunch I walked over and sat with, well I didn't actually know his name, that really hot red head from Biology.

"Hey" I said, a question in my voice.

"Hello, Elaine" He said softly, smiling as he gestured to a chair on his right side. "Please, join us"

On his other side, another ridiculously beautiful, non-human was glancing at me curiously, and looking at him slightly grouchily.

"Hello, I'm Elaine Green" I said to her. "I don't believe I caught your name" I said, smiling at the boy.

"You cannot catch that which was not thrown" He grinned. " I'm Edward Cullen, and this is my wife Bella.

"Nice to meet you Edward, Bella" I said nodding at them in turn as I spoke.

"Edward" A blonde from across the table spoke up. "Who is she?"

The girl's voice was rather sharp as she demanded an answer. It was almost rude.

"I'll explain in a moment Rosalie" He said, no patience for her attitude"

Turning back to me he spoke.

"Now Miss Green, I believe you were going to tell me what exactly it is that you are, if what you are is not human"

"Well Mr. Cullen, I am a witch, and come to think of it I believe you know my cousin, Angela Webber, she mentioned you once, what a coincidence we would meet." I smiled at him. "Now Mr. Cullen, I believe you are going to tell me. What are you, and your family, since it is, in fact, more than obvious that you are not human."

"Well Miss Green, we are vampires. Vegetarian vampires."

We both looked at each other for a moment. Curious, I suppose, he had never met a witch, and I had never met a vampire. But we were interrupted by a bouncy brunette.

"Elaine, you're here, good I new you would be"

I turned in shock to look at the tiny woman beside me. She was also a vampire, with short dark hair, and a dancer's grace.

"Alice, what did you see?" Edward asked.

"This is Elaine, she's a witch, which makes her immortal, and we are going to be great friends. She likes to shop too!"

"She reads minds too?" I asked Edward.

"No, She's psychic" Alice said.

"Oh, well it's wonderful to meet you Alice" I said in a phony snotty British accent. "If we are going to be great friends, let's start with a shopping trip this afternoon. I need some warmer clothes, I'm not used to this climate."

"Absolutely, want to come Bella?"

"NO!" Bella almost yelled.

Alice smiled. "Jasper, would you come with us?" She said to the tall blonde boy beside her, pouting sweetly at him.

"Yes ma'am" He replied with a Southern drawl.

"WAIT!" Alice said. Everyone at the table looked at her and froze. Everyone but Edward, he simply put his head in his hand.

"No Alice, please don't" He pleaded.

"Oh yes, I believe I will" She said. "We're going to have a party. A Halloween party."

Everyone groaned in unison. But Alice was long gone.

"We will light up the driveway and invite absolutely EVERYBODY!!! We'll all dress up and…"

"ALICE, STOP!" They said. "We do not need to have a party!"

"But we DO! And you will all agree with me anyway, I saw it."  
They looked at Edward, who simply nodded in defeat. "She's not lying, we're having a Halloween party"

They all groaned, Bella loudest of all.

AT THE MALL (dun dun dun)

I followed Alice as she happily walked into the mall.

"Where to first?" I asked.

Alice pointed reverently to Victoria's Secret. I followed her, slightly worried now. That wasn't the sort of place I usually went. Jasper smile slightly, and I suddenly felt reassured, despite his amusement.

As soon as we were through the door Alice was piling ridiculously revealing garments into my arm. But the major problem was, it was ALL pink. I. HATE. PINK.

"Alice" She ignored me and kept walking, but she was grinning, so I new she heard. "Alice!" No response. I dropped the huge pile of lace onto the floor and sat down, like a spoiled toddler throwing a tantrum. "Alice, stop"

"What?" She asked, but her face was all too innocent.

"Please tell me that shit is yours. I don't wear pink"

"That's what you think honey! Now pick those up and follow me to the dressing rooms"

Shit. I was screwed.

I walked out of there with over 200 dollars worth of ridiculous looking underwear. Only about 10 dollars of that wasn't pink. I'm gonna kill her.

After that we went in search of costumes for her entire family.

For Edward, she picked out an old-fashioned tuxedo, with coat tails. It looked like something from the 19th century. But strangely enough, I thought he could pull it off. Bella was going to be angry, Alice's choice for her, was a Hooter's uniform. Tiny shorts and a shirt with HOOTER'S written in that disgusting orange.

Bella could help me kill her.

Alice would be a mental patient (a joke, since she had actually been a mental patient before her "death") while Carlisle, who was apparently the patriarch of the Cullen family, would be her doctor. His wife, Esme, would be a nurse. In an extremely fitted dress, with fishnet tights and 4-inch heels.

"Alice, I have never seen a nurse dress like that."

"You haven't met the one's Carlisle works with. They try to impress him" She said, not even slowing down and Jasper suppressed a grin. His amusement faded however, when she chose his costume. Tight blue jeans, an old-fashioned pearl button shirt, boots, spurs, and various, rather adult, accessories.

"Alice" He said. "What is THIS?"

"You're a stripper, but like a cowboy one…" Alice explained. I almost choked on my drink. Jasper wasn't amused. Alice bough it anyway.

"I'm not wearing that Alice" He said.

"Wanna bet?"

Night Of The Party.

"Hurry!" Emmett yelled up the stairs. "Alice, Elaine, this party was your idea if you aren't here when the guests come I'm telling them it was a joke and sending them away!" Esme yelled, in her best mom voice. She was just angry because she looked "Like a hooker." But Carlisle hadn't minded, so she wore it.

From the other side of the room I heard "Alice I refuse to wear this"

"Jasper just get out her!" Alice said. She wasn't really angry, she knew she was going to win.

I walked to the door. "Emmett, y'all have to be patient, we can't get Jasper out of the closet!" I yelled, knowing he would come out of the closet just to yell at me. It worked, Emmett's booming laugh and the smart reply were the last straw. The closet door slammed open and Jasper came out. Oh boy was he angry. I almost couldn't keep from laughing when I saw him. But it didn't matter, he knew I was amused.

"This isn't funny. THAT!" He said, pointing at the door. "Wasn't funny. And I refuse to go downstairs in this."

"You might as well, now that you ARE out of the closet" I said. I thought I was funny.

"Alice hurry!!!" Bella yelled. "I want to kill you before they get here!"

She hadn't been to happy about her costume either, but Edward persuaded her to let it go. "Alice will be Alice darling, and you ARE her best friend" Bella was his bitch. So she did what he said. It was sad, how much he owned her soul.

At last we got Jasper downstairs, Emmett making closet jokes all the while.

This chapter to be continued in the next chapter! Stay tuned. How does the party go? We shall see…


End file.
